In adoptions the focus is very often on the parents, the adoption process, the documents, the long waiting time, the stress. Little is ever discussed about the sibling(s).
We make decisions for them too, we select diseases from the famous list of special needs that we all had to tackle at one point in our adoptive family careers. But do we really listen to those who already live in the family? Do we ask them what they think? how they cope? what can they cope with?
Few years back, I was filling in the special needs list (a list of 80 diseases the family is willing to accept in the adoptive child). It did steer a great deal of stress in my daughter’s life. She was having dreams, questions, doubts: What if my brother doesn’t have an arm? how can we go swimming together? what if he has only one leg? how can we bike?
Plenty reassurance, plenty YouTube videos on extraordinary people swimming with no limbs whatsoever. Now the time has passed, we got closer to the end of the adoption process, she is not worried anymore if he will miss a limb or have any special need. Now she is worried he will not like her.
Last week we were asked to send additional information to Kenya. I was ecstatic, (read my previous blog post) that I had to share the news with my daughter. As always, when something moves in our adoption case, whether we receive an email asking for additional info, or if she finds me searching info about Kenya, she gets her brother visiting in her sleeps. This time the dream was about this little boy with curly hair, as tall as her knees so approx 70 cm, running away from her.
She woke up, ran down the stairs with a sad face and said: Mommy, I dreamt my brother didn’t like me and he was always running away from me 😦
HOPING KENYA 